Saturday, May 24, 2008

I poked myself in the eye

I read a quote this morning. It's a really good one by Marian Wright Edelman.

"Learn to be quiet enough to hear the genuine within yourself so that you can hear it in others."

Thinking to myself ....... I do hear other people. I love their authenticity, knowing the core of their being, feeling the love and caring that surges from their souls. This I feel from my good friends without exception, but do I feel my own core as well as I've thought? Do I know myself as well as I've imagined?

Today I doubt. Today I think that my desire to sit in my birthday chair, typing to friends, blogging, perusing eBay for that one thing our ranch still needs ...... may be my avoidance of life. I've been putting off the little daily necessities of life: bill paying, laundry, hanging out in coffee houses ...... in favor of sitting in my birthday chair watching the birds. I could be my Grandma. I'm watching life more than living it?

Maybe that's why I poked myself in the eye with a rusty wire yesterday. It forced me to leave my sanctuary, sit in a clinic waiting room (forever), have a doc poke me again in the eye with lidocaine (it stung) and dye (it was orange) and then shine a black light into my eye in the darkened room (pretty coooooooool, man!), and anticipate the hundreds in emergency medical bills we will now receive (again) because health insurance is - to be polite - shitty (that's as polite as I can be)!

Wait a minute ........ all yesterday's eye poke experience did was make me glad to be back in my birthday chair again.

Never mind.

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